can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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