i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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