So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
