I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
