Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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