Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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