As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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