Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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