nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
