The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
