i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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