We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
