he shaved USA in his pubs
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
