im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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