Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
