I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
