So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
