i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
