i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
