Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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