Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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