please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
