mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
