Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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