how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
