Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
