VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
