Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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