What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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