Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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