I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Rumble strips road head = magical
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
