Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
