I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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