Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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