so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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