Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
