Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
