Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
