Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
