so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
