I am in a vortex of obligation.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
