look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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