Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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