I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
