On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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