I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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