on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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