She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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