Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
