if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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