I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
