O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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