She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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