i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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