I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
