Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
